Your Happy Weight

27 Nov

thanks for the awesome feedback yesterday, i got a few messages talking about there scale obsession to and figured i’d do a post about this..

When do you reach your happy weight?

if you read any diet or exercise book most of them say how you should weigh yourself to keep on track, which is true if you are new to dieting and losing weight but when is it taken too far?
 I told you how my binging was a control thing, which lead into a weight thing.  I wasn’t a scale person at first but then after i heard so many of the “your so skinny” or “you lost more weight?” comments i decided one day to weigh myself.. thats when i saw it was 110 lbs, my usual “happy weight” is about 115, so this was a big deal i didnt no whether to be happy or sad?  Id should be sad because i lost my butt, i had arms that look like they could be snapped in half easily but no i was happy because i had this notion in my head that if i was losing weight that it was weight that was meant to come off. yeah that would be realistic if i was actually eating enough but i wasn’t..

I weighed myself daily every morning and it always stayed around the same 107-109 range but if i happened to lose anymore that week, brownie points! if i had gained anything which how dare i, my day would be ruined.. id be pissy around my meals and id hate whatever food it was that made me gain that pound and go right back to my safe meals.. i started to realize though my weekly binge which wasn’t actually a binge it was just me having a normal dinner and a snack after, i wasnt gaining weight so i enjoyed it and thats when i really fell deep into the ED because i sorta enjoyed it because i was comfortable in my life.. weighing myself eating my same meals working out and going to work miserable is all my life was which sounds really fun.. i didnt care though!

i remember when i just started to eat a normal amount again and i started the insanity dvds i was gaining weight but i felt good for a change and i had said i got to change my life and get out of my ED thinking, not really considering me weighing myself as a bad thing though.  But after missing a few days of not weighing myself because i really didnt want to get upset because i knew it was gonna be higher but i gave in and stepped on the scale oh damn 111 lbs..

For once though i didnt go scarf down a bag of chips and crawl back in my little ED corner and go back to old ways.. I wasnt dancing around all happy either excited to have gained weight..I was just shocked i didn’t no really how to act i was lost.. I liked how i looked because i was actually getting a body back, but my clothes were getting tight which easily was leading me into negative thinking..I had to conquer this thought though and what i did was go out and buy bigger pants.. i was never a size 0 my comfy size pants is a 5 and i was a 3 when i was my lowest weight.

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i am not saying this was easy, but when i started to recover i just kept thinking to myself im trying not to weigh myself because i was letting a scales number decide if i was going to be happy or sad/mad that day..like WTF! so why would i let a number in my pants decide if i was gonna be happy or not it just really started to boggle my mind but i had that engraved in my mind ! like i said its not that i was abnormal for doing it and weighing myself.. i clearly remember reading in a magazine “weigh yourself every morning and if you gained weight go back to your food diary and see what food didn’t agree with you” i remember that because i lived by it for a year. like if food didnt agree with me? so if i decided to have popcorn with some extra salt, now that im alittle bloated from to much salt i should now avoid it? no ill drink some water the next day if im really bothered not cross it off my “safe” food list.. my mind just started to think the correct way after thinking wrong for so long..

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I had to start putting this way of thinking in all my ED ways of thinking, i had to get off my stupid eating schedule and eat when im actually hungry and stop thinking about food 24/7! i love food and i love cooking different kind of recipes so i will always have thoughts of food and thinking of different recipes to try.. but i wasnt thinking of it the right way, id go to sleep hungry just to remind myself oh you get breakfast tomorrow so deal with it.. wow i get breakfast?! lucky me! or id be at work so hungry and think its not 11 so wait til then because otherwise youll have to  eat your dinner earlier which means going to bed earlier so you can avoid being hungry at night. i have way to much stuff in my life to be thankful for that i had to get food constantly on my mind OUT!

Like put it this way do you have a car? do you treat and take care of it the same way you do to yourself? incase you dont find a gas station, do you keep a tank of gas in your trunk? probably not.. well then why are we worrying about dinner when were not even done with our lunch!? we dont think so much of our future with our car why do we with our food? why cant we just enjoy our food as its there and wen our hunger pains start to come around then think about your next meal then.. if were that worried about food, just like theres gas stations on every corner theres also food places..

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now to my happy weight, in HS i never had to worry i ate a bunch of crap most of the time and went to my sports practices and never gained a bunch of weight from doing so.. that was my happy weight, yeah i know the whole “your metabolism changes” stuff but it doesn’t have to you still need food.. my happy weight is when i can go a few days without exercise and still eat a normal amount of food and not gain anything, and when i do have my random binges instead of working out for hours on end id start over the next day and whatever my “happy weight” is my body will bounce right back to it..

thats what your happy weight is, it means that you have the right level of body fat and muscle for your body.. this is the weight where you don’t have to be overly concerned about what you eat, where you have plenty of energy to do all your favorite activities, and where you feel pretty damn good in a bathing suit.

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do you think our ancestors (i wish you saw how bad i butchered that word, thank you spell check lol) weighed themselves daily? obv not. they ate REAL food and some sort of exercise, which was probably walking and turned out just fine.  Since so many people are having trouble breaking the scale habit i hope this helps somewhat.. I am not 100% in recovery yet but I can say i havent weighed myself in almost a year and I feel great about that, and most of all am HAPPY with my body and weight.. I still have days where i dont trust my body and think im gonna become a beluga after a binge, but there are gonna be bumps in the road but keep going in the right direction

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Do you believe in a happy weight? Have you reached it?

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4 Responses to “Your Happy Weight”

  1. Alex @ therunwithin November 27, 2012 at 4:15 pm #

    happy weight was something I never believed in at all, I always thought I would just keep gaining and gaining in recovery. was i wrong, my body actually found a set point and it was nice to be there. it did take a while, it took a lot of trust too to make it through. Support was the best part. I hope you continue to find that happy weight when your body is functioning like it should.

    • kaityscooking November 28, 2012 at 11:25 am #

      yeah alex its true its something hard to trust and believe it because some of us havent thought that way in years that our body is actually smart, im glad you found your happy weight !

  2. Devon @ Health in Equilibrium November 27, 2012 at 8:31 pm #

    I’m starting to get more comfortable with gaining weight. Since I am eating more now, I know that I am getting stronger, not “fatter” (at least that’s how I used to see it). I know my body is pretty messed up right now, but I hope to get to the point where it tells me what it wants, I honour it and we move on!

    • kaityscooking November 28, 2012 at 11:34 am #

      devon the start is def the hardest and its good your getting past that point! getting some bigger clothes was hard but def helped because its something that can easily trigger that negative thinking

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